I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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