I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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