This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
