1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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