my phone needs a breathalizer
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
