I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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