Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize