Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
