Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
