Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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