she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize