how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
