he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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