Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
