I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
