Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She's the barista slut.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize