You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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