once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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