i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
