I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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