Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
