That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
