This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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