My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
