..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
