the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
