i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
