oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
