im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
