lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
