I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have already put on my inside pants.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
