Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
