the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
