how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
