Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just high enough for therapy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
