dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
