I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and she was petting her beer can
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
