Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
