my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its not stalking. its research.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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