i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
