He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
