She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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