she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
