after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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