That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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