Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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