I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
