I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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