I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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