After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
