My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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