Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
