I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
