the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
