yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
