I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
