In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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