a queef is a wish your heart makes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
