Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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