im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
