He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize