I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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