I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
