Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
