Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
