what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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