So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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