I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
