Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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