Betty ford says i'm here all night
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
